Review: Nina's Memento Mori Mathias B. Freese
It will soon be Easter. I thought of this as I went through my TBRs and selected Nina's Memento Mori. This book was gifted to me by Mathias Freese.
Freese dedicated this book to Nina, his wife and muse who died of complications of ALS. He admits he has been a widower twice in his life - a life spent in observation of his own anguish. He wrote while he was in a state of emergence which he associates with the pussy willow - a popular Easter decoration adored by many for its soft silver tufts.
Freese speaks of his existence without his darling Nina and I was absorbed in the supernatural power of his words. The German proverb that says we grow old too soon and smart too late is displayed in his text and might as well be written on my heart.
Those of us who self-analyze often have difficulty putting it all together. Expressing openly, face to face can be difficult. We may feel the need to isolate our imperfections from those we perceive to be more human. Whereas our thoughts in written form are mere words displayed on a page that we know will fade over time.
When we ponder loss- it is often for shared “hobbies” such as watching movies and holding hands under the covers. Thoughts of long walks on the beach at sunset. Sounds of laughter and the touch and warmth that comes with a human connection. Yes! We often long for the things we could have continually shared had we had more time.
Freese tells us he looks at himself as the artifact, the relic, that played a part in Nina’s life. "Old age has settled down upon me like a mantle of fresh snow," he writes.
In turn, I place the cursor over the search engine window and move my fingers across the keyboard. Stroking the alphabet, I type Mathias Freese, and press enter. Nina and he had less than two years together. I move my fingers again - the clicks on the keyboard take longer this time. I nod as no one is watching. The soft coating of hairs of the pussy willow act as an insulation to protect.
It is appropriate, I read this elegy now as it is a reminder of the inevitability of death. As I conclude this review, another author's words come to mind, “Never close your lips to those whom you have already opened your heart.”